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20120928
20121006
Search Results 0 to 9 of about 10 (some duplicates have been removed)
the cities and seek refuge in cliff side caves speaking only in hushed tones about the time man stole fire from the sky. money for our currency should be blood sacrifice offered to our new rulers, a race of superintergent feral cats. (laughter) oh, show us your mercy, whiskered ones. (laughter) or-- or romney could get a two-point bump. either way it's news. (laughter) right now, folks, the obama people where are december it fromly trying to lower expectations. it's sad, just listen to obscene your advisor and anthropomorphized vanishing sound david plouffe. (laughter) jim? >> we've accepted that governor romney will have a good night. he's prepared more than any candidate in himselfry and shown himself to be a good debater through the years. we're sure he'll put on quite a show wednesday. >> yes, if there's one word america associates with mitt romney it's "show." (laughter) meanwhile, the romney people aren't playing these silly games. they're just being honest when they hail the president as a uniquely gifted speaker who is widely regarded as one of the most talented political communica
, they're in new york city. they want to see the sights. and in new york that can only mean the harlem costco. (laughter) where the iranian delegation has been spotted stocking up on wholesale shampoos. nation, they are seeking to split the atom and now they can prevent split ends. how could obama let this happen! the iranians were at costco because tough economic sanctions have made it difficult for them to get hold of foreign goods or imported products. which explains why their leader has to wear members only jackets from 1982. (laughter) so folks, folks, at costco we have given them unfettered access to america's family pack technology. we'll never cripple their regime with economic isolation now that they have their own 200 count boxes of economy sized advil and bulk bins of nutter butter and great shrink wrap rafts of shrimp cup o noodles. you madmen, they will be able to hide their nuclear facilities inside their giant discarded barrels of kirkland coleslaw. (laughter) oh! oh, don't worry!, don't worry, you say, they don't have enriched uranium yet. well, you know what else costc
dervish." (applause) we must fortify the city walls! we must call out the pikemen! prepare for the siege! ready the venetian fleet! (laughter) >> steven, we have reached your defenses! >> mustafa! you ottoman dog! >> yes, it is i, mustafa, grand viz year of the turkic hoard. welcome to obama's ottoman america! you'll be forced to play the ood eat carob and learn algebra. >> you monsters! >> now, steven, might i interest you in some turkish delight? (laughter) >> stephen: no! no! no thank you. >> oh, it's a tender candy scented with rose water. >> stephen: rose water? oh, that does sound delightful! i shall try one! oh! (laughter) oh, it is scrumptious. >> ha ha ha! now you're mine! come join my harem. >> stephen: no, no! you've got to fight ottoman delicacy with an anti-ottoman delicacy. a croissant. yes, the croissant, created in 1683 to celebrate the victory over the ottomans at the battle of vienna. its crescent shape marks the moon upon your plant. >> no, not the light and flaky pastry of my people's darkest hour! >> stephen: b gone, turk! >> no! (cheers and applause) >> stephen: oh-
Search Results 0 to 9 of about 10 (some duplicates have been removed)